When the world’s gnarliest park ranger busted some punk kids for building snowboarding ramps in a Reno park the standard reprimand quickly turned into an unfiltered seminar in profanity, self-adulation, self-deprecation, and general coaching on how to avoid fucking up your life beyond all recognition.
I strongly suggest you watch all five minutes and twenty-one seconds in their full glory, but if that seems a bit daunting here are my eight favorite soundbites conveniently laid out in chronological order.
- “Pour sugar in the gasoline tanks, set the fucking houses, on fire, fuck your girlfriend. That kind of radical.”
- “Every time it snows my dick takes a beating with this shit.”
- “Bang a fat girl. Put that on YouTube. I’d watch that shit.”
- “If Shaun White’s here…He’d helicopter in here, bang your mom and your girlfriend, then set your board on fire.”
- “I live in Reno, this is a shit hole.”
- “Shaun White, you know…If he had a tight little vagina, I’d bang him too.”
- “Break a man, always do it sexually. Best way to do it.”
- “They will build you a halfpipe for like…two tallboys.”