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ipod_definitivelistMuch like a person’s DVD collection, a person’s iPod is essentially a window into their soul. With that in mind Team Cool & Tough put together this definitive list of songs no dude should have on their iPod. You know, because sometimes people need guidance in not sucking.

If any of the following are currently on your iPod, we recommend going home and downloading as much Megadeth as humanly possible.

  • Anything by Michael Bolton
  • “Daughters” by John Mayer
  • Anything by Clay Aiken
  • Anything by Abba
  • “It’s Raining Men”
  • Anything by Creed
  • “Hello” by Lionel Ritchie
  • “We Built This City” by Jefferson Starship
  • “Just a Girl” by No Doubt
  • Anything by Ace of Base
  • “Girls Just Want to Have Fun” by Cindy Lauper
  • Any other song premised on girls having fun
  • Anything by Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch not titled “Good Vibrations”
  • Anything that can be categorized as a “Show Tune”
  • Anything by Enya
  • Anything by the Jonas Brothers
  • “All Summer Long” by Kid Rock
  • Anything by Keith Urban
  • Anything by Good Charlotte
  • Anything where Garth Brooks sings about mentally challenged people
  • Anything by Aerosmtih post 1990, especially “Don’t Want to Miss a Thing”
  • Anything from the Beaches soundtrack
  • Anything by Kelly Clarkson
  • Any song by Will Smith that shares its title with a Will Smith movie
  • Anything by Lady Gaga
  • Anything by 98 Degrees
  • Anything by Macy Gray
  • Any non-solo Timberlake
  • “Big Girls Don’t Cry” or “Clumsy” by Fergie
  • Anything by Sugar Ray post-1997
  • “Playing with the Boys” by Kenny Loggins
  • Anything by Bon Jovi not on “Slippery When Wet” or a Young Guns soundtrack
  • Anything by Roxette or any other Swedish band
  • Anything by Jessica Simpson
  • “Hey There Delilah” by Plain White T’s
  • Anything from the soundtrack of Sandra Bullock romantic comedy
  • Any solo Rob Thomas
  • Any music by any group that got their start on the Disney Channel
  • Anything by Celine Dion
  • Anything by New Kids on the Block pre 1992
  • Anything by New Kids on the Block post 1992
  • “Mambo Number 5″ by Lou Bega
  • “The Electric Slide” by whoever sang “The Electric Slide
  • Anything you can shag to
  • Anything you can rumba to
  • Anything you can waltz to
  • “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus
  • Anything by Britney
  • Anything by a Hollywood actor not titled “Party All the Time”
  • Anything by Enrique Iglesias
  • “Ironic” by Alanis Morissette
  • Anything by Ricky Martin
  • Anything by Hanson
  • Anything by Avril Lavigne
  • “Follow Me” by Uncle Cracker
  • Anything by Miley Cyrus
  • Anything by Rascal Flatts
  • Anything by Christina Aguilera where she didn’t dry hump a dude in the video
  • Anything by Europe not titled “Final Countdown”
  • Anything by the Backstreet Boys
  • “Lady” by Styx
  • Anything from the Devil Wears Prada soundtrack
  • “I Will Do Anything for Love” by Meat Loaf
  • Anything involving George Michael post 1989
  • “All the Single Ladies” by Beyonce
  • Anything by Rod Stewart post 1975
  • “All or Nothing” by O-Town
  • Anything involving Michael Jackson post 1991
  • Any version of “Candle in the Wind”
  • “Strong Enough to Be My Man” by Sheryl Crow
  • Any song by any group from or formed in Orlando.
  • “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?” by Culture Club
  • Anything by Taylor Hicks
  • “Mama” by Boyz II Men
  • Anything by Three Doors Down post 2001
  • Anything produced by Scott Storch
  • Anything by the Bee Gees not titled “Staying Alive”
  • Anything by anyone who finished worse than third on American Idol
  • Anything from a Broadway show
  • Anything that can be categorized as “Adult Contemporary”
  • “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz
  • Anything by Katy Perry
  • “Hollaback Girl” by Gwen Stefani
  • Anything from the Titanic soundtrack
  • Anything by Nickelback post 2002
  • And anything that ever went #1 in Germany (see: Hassellhoff, David)
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