By no means do we claim to have any sort of expertise when it comes to fashion. But if we’ve learned anything now that we’re closing in on our late twenties it’s that it’s more important to know what you can’t pull off than what you can. Take the following for example:
Manpris. For when you can’t quite decide between shorts and pants. That not only did someone, somewhere think capri pants for dudes was a good idea, but that some dudes actually wear them, is one of two great mysteries that keeps us up at night.
Crocs. For when you don’t realize that some fads are just meant for women and children. Geezus. Have some self respect.
The Fauxhawk. For when you want people to figure out just by looking at you that you’re trying too hard. Griffin Guess snagging Marissa Miller is the other great mystery that keeps us up at night.
The Low Cut V-neck. For when you want to guarantee that no other dude will sit next to you. What, are you trying to get motorboated?
Spray Tans. For when you don’t realize something is a bad idea.
Gatsby Hats. For when you think you can pull off a look NFL quarterbacks can’t even pull off.
Neck Beards. For when you’ve outgrown the chinstrap.
Barbed Wire Tattoos. For when you want people to think you played college football in the late nineties. Even though you didn’t. And you’re an ass clown.
White Guy Dreadlocks. For when hacky sack alone can no longer define you. White guy dreadlocks may be the single largest menace facing our nation today.
And there you have it. If you have unfortunately tried to pull off one of these looks at one time or another, don’t fool yourself into believing you’re the exception. You’re not. Get your shit together.