•  
  •  

This time of year we like to do everything in our power to make baseball interesting. Stuff, like, you know, going through all 30 team rosters and determining which players’ names sound particularly porn-ish.

Here are our favorites, divided into three convenient categories:

Wouldn’t Flinch If You Saw Their Name in the Opening Credits

1) Boof Bonser. Twins pitcher.

2) Grady Sizemore. Indians center fielder.

3) Nick Swisher. White Sox center fielder.

4) Chase Headley. Padres left fielder.

5) Boone Logan. White Sox pitcher.

6) Lyle Overbay. Blue Jays first baseman.

7) Brian Bocock. Giants shortstop.

8 ) Huston Street. A’s pitcher.

9) Kerry Wood. Cubs pitcher.

10) Corky Miller. Braves catcher.

11) Coco Crisp. Red Sox center fielder.

12) Ben Sheets. Brewers pitcher.

13) Brian Bannister. Royals pitcher.

14) Trot Nixon. Mets right fielder.

15) Matt Stairs. Blue Jays DH.

16) Dan Uggla. Marlins second baseman.

17) Chase Utley. Phillies second baseman.

18) Willy Mo Pena. Nationals left fielder.

19) Andy Pettite. Yankees pitcher.

20) Adam Eaton. Phillies pitcher

Guys with Their Own Film Series

21) Carl Crawford. Rays left fielder and star of the Hot Carl Crawford series.

22) Scott Proctor. Dodgers pitcher and star of The Proctologist Appointment trilogy.

23) Freddy Sanchez. Pirates second baseman and star of The Many Sluts Who Love Dirty Sanchez.

24) Kosuke Fukudome. Cubs right fielder and star of several Japanese titles. (Trust us, Fukudome in Japanese is just as dirty as it sounds.)

25) Roy Corcoran. Mariners pitcher and star of Corking Co-eds with Roy Corcoran.

26) B.J. Upton. Rays center fielder and star of Upton Goes Downtown.

27) Alex Cora. Red Sox second baseman and star of all ten Cored Out titles.

May Have Already Dabbled in the Industry

28) Elijah Dukes. Nationals center fielder. Dude impregnates 17 year-old foster children so we wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if he’s made a trip on set.

29) Jonathan Papelbon. Red Sox pitcher. We’re fully convinced the Pap is capable of just about anything.

30) Pudge Rodriguez. Tigers catcher. Just not the kind we’re into.

The MLB just got a bit more interesting.

Loading...