If we had to name one reason we watch the NBA Draft — outside of pinpointing exactly why certain picks suck — we’d have to say we do it for the awkward David Stern handshakes. Here are our all-time favorites:
The one from this year where Stern asked Robin Lopez, “How the hell did you ever bag Michelle Wie?”
The one where Hakeem showed up in his tux and Stern showed up in his stache.
The one where Stern checked Petteri Koponen’s oil. It was a quart low.
The one from this year where Stern asked OJ Mayo, “Who invited Poindexter?”
The one where LaMarcus Aldridge made Stern wear a Texas hat even though David Stern fucking hates Texas.
The one where Kwame Brown got hug-another-dude excited about guaranteed money.
The one where Joakim Noah cut his career earning potential in half.
The one where Stern told Andrea Bargnani “It’s true. All Europeans walk with a stick up their ass.”
The one where Stern and Iverson weren’t sure who was supposed to wear the jersey. Stern eventually wore the jersey.
The one where Yi Jianlian hated Milwaukee. Stern later shipped him every season of Happy Days on DVD.
The one where Stern asked Jalen Rose “Who shot the couch?”
The one where Stern pointed out to DeMarr Johnson the chick he was going to bang later.
The one where Stern welcomed Nikoloz Tskitishvili to the US with a UFC-style arm bar.
The one where Derek Anderson wore his Saturday Night Fever suit.
The one where they both thought Jay Williams would have a long, fruitful career.
The one where Drew Gooden tried to pass off a CSI lab jacket as his suit jacket.
And the one where Olivier Saint-Jean came on stage with his dong out. It was awkward.
And you were busy paying attention to Stephen A. Smith couch interviews.